Hey there, everyone! I’m excited to announce a new writer for According to Kristin! Andrew is a HUGE fan of horror movies and will be reviewing trailers & movies for you all to enjoy!

You can find him on Facebook HERE.

Here is his review of the trailer for LEATHERFACE, which will be released exclusively on DirecT on September 21, 2017. The film will also have a limited theatrical run and full VOD release on October 20, 2017.

Steely-eyed, perspiration running down his big bald head, and chomping at the bit for a long-sought victory, Charlie Brown grinds his foot into the mud and starts barreling down.  He’s staring down that pigskin like a bull who’s just seen every shade of red imaginable.  Moving like a freight train, the laces are now in his crosshairs, and with each passing step, his worry fades, his confidence grows, and he thinks to himself, “Maybe, just maybe this time, I’m gonna kick that freakin’ thing a mile long”.

…annnnnnd then Lucy yanks the football away again, leaving poor schmuck Chuck flat on his back.

If you’re a fan of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre series, that’s pretty much been your last decade-and-a-half.  We’ve been treated to a remake no one particularly asked for, a prequel to a remake that no one particularly asked for, and let’s not forget Texas “Do Your Thing, Cuz” Chainsaw 3D, the plot-hole ridden follow-up to the original no one particularly asked for.  Despite the cynicism, each time that rusty old chainsaw revved itself up in the trailer, you couldn’t help but get excited.  Perhaps the movie ended up being actually pretty fun (2003’s Chainsaw), or a giant Lone Star mess (2013’s 3D), but trailers are made to entice, they’re made to rouse expectations, and if they draw you in to plunk down some cash, they’ve done their job.

Enter the freshly-released red-band trailer for Leatherface, Lionsgate and Millennium Films’ upcoming prequel to a 43 year-old horror legend… that yet again, no one particularly asked for.  Years of teasing would have you be right to feel cynical.  Let’s use use the Oreo theory:  1974’s classic The Texas Chainsaw Massacre would be the delicious center cream portion, with 2013’s Texas Chainsaw 3D and this year’s Leatherface representing the chocolate wafers that surround it on the outside– and there’s probably more movies in this franchise than there are people who prefer the chocolate in an Oreo.

As the title would suggest, Leatherface is an origin story surrounding the mystery of the titular character, who until now, has always remained a silent, brooding force.  In the events prior to 1974’s original, four young inmates kidnap a nurse while escaping from a mental institution, and go on a bloodbath of a road trip, while being pursued by a revenge-striken lawman (Stephen Dorff).  An intriguing setup to the classic story, it sounds like it will mix some of the best elements of The Devil’s Rejects into the recipe.

Even with recent history doing everything in its power to pour cold water all over this trailer- it does deliver all the Texas Chainsaw goodies in oh-so delicious spades- a creepy lullaby soundtrack, skin mask-sewing, old decrepit barns, hanging decorative animal bones, screaming chases in the woods, that unmistakable guttural rattle of the saw, buckets of blood, and of course, a derriere-angled walk through the fields.  Leatherface’s trailer doesn’t give too much away as far as plot, but we do get some intriguing new treats– the youngest member of the Sawyer family given his first chainsaw as a birthday present, a brutal diner massacre, and a child sporting a giant pig head.  If all of that didn’t begin to win you back, there’s also the heading on the trailer that this film is directed by Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo, the duo behind 2007’s blood-drenched masterpiece, Inside (À l’intérieur).

You know what?  I’m sold.  Oreos and cynicism can take a hike.  Maybe there’s the chance it’ll all end up like the recent questionable Chainsaw entries when Leatherface greets us this fall, but hike Lucy the ball for another round cause maybe, just maybe this time we’ll kick it a mile long.

– Andrew B.