Day Four on my April list is:
If you were able to instantly change your life, what would be different?
This is a tough question because I was raised not to regret things. We go through certain experiences and we make mistakes, but we usually learn from them. I think, for the most part, that these things shape who we are, whether they’re difficult to go through or not.
However, in the past few years, I’ve experienced certain things that I wish I would change. One being my relationship with my father.
My father didn’t always know how to relate to my brothers and I. He was a Vietnam vet who often suffered from PTSD and found it much easier to relate to other veterans. There was one in particular that my dad sort of adopted in his mind. If I’m being honest, it hurt me. It hurt that he took more of an interest in this guy’s life than in mine. I would even joke to my friends that I had daddy issues. Never did I think I would lose my dad before he turned 65.
Long story short . . . my dad was diagnosed with liver cancer in April 2015 and he died a month later. It’s crazy how you don’t stop to think about how much you truly appreciate someone until they’re no longer around. My dad wasn’t perfect, but he was the type of dad that would’ve dropped everything if you needed a ride somewhere or if you had a flat tire in the middle of the night .
So if I could change something, I would change the relationship I had with my father in the years leading up to his death.
If I could change two things, I would also change the person I chose to give my heart to when I was way too young to even consider giving it away. Ladies, young girls . . . please remember to love yourself before you try loving someone else. I made the mistake of putting all of my affection towards one person and all he did was play games. Slept with my best friend after I (stupidly) paid for his flight to visit, repeatedly came to me to boost his ego when other girls knocked him down, said horrible things about me, played the sympathy card asking for help paying bills and then gave his girlfriend a gorgeous ring about a month or two later. Thankfully I’d smartened up by that point so he didn’t get a penny from me for that ring lol. He dangled me like a chew toy and I fell for it every time because when he shattered me to pieces, I gave him that power to do it. So appreciate yourself and don’t let ANYONE have power over you. We are strong WOMEN and we should be putting that strength and love towards someone who deserves it.
Who knows . . . if I could go back and eliminate him from my life, I might not have the troubles I have now with finding men who are only interested in two things . . . sex and feeding their own egos. Where are the good guys at???
What would YOU change if you could? Let me know!